the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
