you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
