the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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