Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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