she was so not down for the gang bang
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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