I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
