well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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