john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
