You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize