How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
