definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
