i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize