Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
