We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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