I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I deserve this hangover.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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