whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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