You can't special order awesome
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
