The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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