how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
