Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
