Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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