gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize