we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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