you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
