I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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