I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize