Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize