No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
