i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
