Where is the hickey?
I puked a lego.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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