i wish my penis had a tongue
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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