i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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