I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
