Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't turn off my feet"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
