He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
