After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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