Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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