it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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