I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
