i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
