Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
