btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
