it wasn't lemon gatorade
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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