One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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