Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
