Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
