My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
