i think my tv is drunk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
