Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
