my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
