you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
