I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
