Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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