i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
