You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
