A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
