Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
