Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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