I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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