So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
