so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
