Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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