And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
BRING THE BAGELS
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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