honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
