NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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