im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
