Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
