Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
