I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize