We're like a lot better than the average bears
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
