soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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