just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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