Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
