im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
