just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
