AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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