I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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