i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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