The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Mom said you looked used
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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