I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
