the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
