i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
