New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
