you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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