I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize