I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize