no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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