I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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