cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
